I’ve had some scares lately. I’m talking, deep, frightening, This Is It kind of scares. As I write this, I’m focused on recovery. I make myself get out and do things. I push through the fear. Sometimes I deal with an absense of sensation; at other times, I’m dealing with pain. Of the two, I prefer the pain. The pain is proof my body is communicating, at least.

I do believe I’m improving. Progress is gradual, but I’m improving. But I’ve been through enough in recent weeks, that this experience has left it’s mark.

I don’t want to detail the symptoms or the struggles. I’m just glad to be here. Ya know, it’s almost funny…not humorous, but ironic. I had kind of a warning that this period of my life was coming up. I didn’t exactly shrug it off, but I didn’t know what else to do, either. Looking at my last post tells you enough.

What next? Heal. Improve strength. Live each day. And show gratitude where it’s due.

To God – Thank You. I know I’m going to be ok. I know You are with me. Months ago I questioned what direction I should go in life, and I was thinking of money. Now I know that money means nothing if I am not well. I must do what is best for my health, and in that, I have my answer. Every day is a gift, and I thank You.

To my cousins – Thank you. I appreciate your love, support, and prayers more than I can say. You have been with me through my biggest challenges in life. I’m comforted that you are here with me now. One thing I have learned during all this, is just how much people care. It’s overwhelming, and humbling. I’m grateful for you, and I love you.

To friends who know me, but perhaps don’t know what I’m talking about here – Thank you, for reading my blog, for following up on me in this way. If I have not told you what’s been going on, please do not be offended. I would rather focus my thoughts on health and strength, than to re-live what’s happened. Your good thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

For anybody else who stumbles upon this blog – Thank you for reading. If there’s advice I’d give at this moment, it would be to focus on what’s most important. Money isn’t it. Yes, money is important, but your long-term health and your family is even more important. I was taught once that priorities should go in this order: God, family, and then career/money. But I think too many of us have it all backwards. I know sometimes it seems like there’s no other choice, but….there is. Do your best to find it.

Do you know what it’s like

Trying to remember your last conversation with God

And wondering if you said the right things

Inner struggles continue. I find comfort in my favorite rock band, Cheap Trick.

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It’s got a beat you can …uh, dance to. YEEHAAW!

Sometimes you go looking for the job.

Sometimes the job looks for you.

Imagine my surprise when I was made an offer that I didn’t expect, from a quarter I never imagined.

It’s been more work than I expected, and the pay isn’t huge.

But I’m getting paid to do something that I enjoy doing. Yeah, it’s legal and it’s not obscene.

Never give up. There’s no telling when opportunity will do more than knock; it’ll let itself inside, sit down, and wait for you at the kitchen table. Smoking a cigarette. Drinking your booze. It will look you in the eye, and ask if you’re for hire.

I said yes.

It’s been a long time since I posted anything, and I gotta be honest. The great health I was feeling for awhile didn’t last, and the past couple months I’ve been focused on finding my way back to normal.

A lot happened during the same time, though. Lots of it for the good. So on one hand, I’ve had health challenges that were holding me back, and meanwhile, all the lights were turning green on some other fronts. Frustrating doesn’t begin to describe it.

Rather than give up, I focused on what I could do, however small. Given the limited energy, or “juice” as I call it sometimes, I had to let some stuff go. Like this blog. And personal correspondence.

At the same time, I had to cling to what sustained me.

During all this, I’ve kept an eye on the future. To my surprise, it was staring right back at me. Peek-a-boo.

I know this isn’t telling you much, but the good news is, this blog has never been about making sense. It’s about a personal journey and the distracting entertainments I find along the way.

By far this is one of the most clever stop-animations I’ve ever seen. I found this while chasing down an obscure but infectious song on YouTube that I’d heard on XM radio. If you need a smile, this should do it!

Unless you’re reading this and you’re a millionaire already, you might find it discouraging that you’re ___ number of years old and you haven’t accomplished That Big Thing yet. You know, the big desire of your heart. And perhaps wallet.

The media likes to show young, brilliant, wealthy, talented people who haven’t yet hit 25 years old, but have already performed major feats of accomplishment. While the rest of us had to work and pay our own bills. Doesn’t it piss you off?

It pisses me off. When I was 25 years old, I was working my ass off to pay my own rent and my own electric bill and put gas in the car. Actually I was doing that before I was 25 and it hasn’t stopped.

Take heart, though. There are many successful people who didn’t get their big win until later in life. I’ll give examples later, but for now, I’d like to share the concept of the Come-From-Behind win. Horse racing gives us the best analogy. Where you started from is not the issue, as this actual race footage proves.

Stay in the race.

If you saw my medical complaint post awhile back, you’ll recall I was going through something and bitching mightily about it. The good news is, I had the treatment I was supposta have and I’m feeling better these days.

Better might be an understatement. I’d forgotten what it felt like to be well. I’ve started exercising for the hell of it, I’ve been feeling so good. Mostly in the form of taking the literal hike. Five, seven, ten miles at a crack, depending on the trail.

The health benefits are easy to guess, but here’s something I didnt’ realize before getting into this. Exercise makes you smarter.

Seriously. Maybe it’s the extra oxygen getting through my brain, but I swear I’ve been more lucid in the past couple weeks than I have been in years. I expected health benefits from exercise, but man, the brain benefits are where it’s at.

Maybe the mind follows the body. Sit a lot, and your mind sits. Move a lot, and your mind moves. My mind is going, “Hey, we’re on the move! We’re walking someplace new! We’d better pay attention! Is that a snake? Cool! Look, a turkey buzzard!”

Once the mild observations and the exercise stops, my mind remains very active, and starts to internalize. It says to me, “Hey, you wanna work on that formula for amaretto flavored kool-aid when we get home? Oh, I got these diagrams back here, you were gonna build that tinkertoy godzilla, right? I got it figured out..”

And so on. If anything, I’m having to force myself to focus so I can actually stick to one thing and see it through.

It’s the opposite of the problem I had before. I used to find it hard to focus because I was so damn tired. Now I’m still tired, as I’m back at the day gig, but my mind is happily spinning gears anyway.

No, I’m not on pills of any kind. This honestly just started to happen when I started to get healthier and took exercise more seriously.

If you’re feeling down, if you’ve got writer’s block, if you’ve got a brain full of fuzz, the next best thing to sticking your head into a bucket of ice water, is some good ol’ fashioned exercise. Take it from me, the anti-gym. If I’m saying exercise is good for you, then either the apocalypse is nigh, or I’m on to something.

I’m takin’ a serious look at the local health club and considering a pilates class. Yeehaw!!

While cruising the strange and unusual online, I came across this video of a 70’s rock band. Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show brings you rock n’ roll yodel. Don’t ya wanna learn how to dance like that skinny dude in the purple?

Kids, say no to drugs, or you could end up like this.